


My Jewel; Junhao

by Kimbap_Kid



Series: My Jewel [3]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluff, Friends to Enemies, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tutor!Wen Junhui, Unrequited Love, but they’re not really enemies, they just had a falling out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:34:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28533741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimbap_Kid/pseuds/Kimbap_Kid
Summary: { 3/6 }Wen Junhui, the smart and mischievous senior, met Xu Minghao during his junior year as his tutor. During that time he unexpectedly came to fall in love with the younger. However, he had no idea what Minghao’s Jewel looked like, and, with his past experiences of love, he decided to completely cut ties with Minghao.Xu Minghao is a struggling junior, going through a considerable low after being rejected by his soulmate. The catch? His soulmate is his tutor whom he had a crush on when they first started meeting in his sophomore year. The other catch? His Jewel is in an unusual place, right between his shoulder blades, therefore making it very difficult to see even without the Jewel cover he chooses to wear. The day he was meant to confess to said tutor, he got rejected by his crush cancelling any further sessions to meet.They go their separate ways until their mutual friend brings them back together when Minghao’s grades start slipping again. What will Minghao do with this secret information, and how will Junhui handle his resurfacing feelings?
Relationships: Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Series: My Jewel [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/983418
Kudos: 11





	1. i n t r o ; junhui

**Author's Note:**

> More info as to why I’ve been gone at the end as well as updating information !

**Jun's POV**

I don't think my soulmate will like me. I tease those I like and I often take it too far. I can't help it, though. I guess it's my way of ensuring I won't be hurt. I won't be hurt because I'll be the one hurting them. That sounds like a shitty poem or something stitched on a pillow, but if I really dissect it I think that’s what it is. I've tried to be nice to those I fancy, but that makes others think I'm up to something. I learned this about myself before I received my Jewel, thank God.

Since my teasing can get out of hand, I've stopped talking to the one I love. I used to tutor them all the time, but I noticed that when I teased him he would sulk. This made me feel bad. Still, I didn’t stop; something about teasing him made me feel giddy, at least until he’d become quiet. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I don't want to say something that could potentially upset my love. I never want to hurt the one I love, be it on purpose or an accident. I'd rather die. But maybe that's too extreme.

I've always been kind of extreme with love. In my lifetime, I've fallen in love a total of three times. The first was from the age of six to seven. I spent all my time pining after a beautiful girl. Well, I thought she was beautiful; she was smart and nice and had big, oversized glasses that would often slide down her face. I remember wanting to push them up her nose. Instead, I teased her for her large glasses.

I wish I hadn't because others would bully her for her looks. I now understand that me teasing her along with all of our other classmates must've been damaging. That upsets me. When I told her I liked her, she thought it was a joke and became angry with me. She yelled at me in front of everyone in the class and said that just because I was pretty I didn't have the right to tease others for their own looks. She moved the next year. Quite a dramatic tale of love for some first graders.

The second time of love was much shorter, from my last few months of being eight to the first month of being nine. The person I liked is actually a good friend of mine now and I still love him, though it's not romantic anymore. His name is Soonyoung and we go to school together now, but during that time we only knew each other through our parents being friends. He's super funny and always makes me laugh. I think I mistook my happiness for love. I thought I had a crush on him but really, I just admired him and thought he was cool. I guess this "love" doesn't really count.

I'm currently in love. My love is also Chinese and he does martial arts, though he is far more advanced than me. He is quite skinny, which worries me at times, though he’s explained he’s always been that way and simply has a fast metabolism. He is polite and kind to everyone, though those close to him could rightfully call him snarky and playful. I've only known of my love for a bit. My love is younger and in a different grade than me so I rarely see them now. I would always see them when I tutored him.

My love isn't the best at school and he needed help with his studies. My younger friend, Mingyu, told me this because he knew of my feelings for him. That is the last time I will tell him of any romantic feelings I have. I remember the first time I talked to him. I was so awkward. I remember the way I tried to be cool as I said, "Hey, I heard you needed a tutor?" He had just stared at me curiously before his eyes brightened with realization. He looked so cute. My love is truly adorable.

I tutored him for a year before I ended it. Looking back on it, I can't really remember why I wanted to stop. I told myself that holding these feelings for him was pointless and tutoring him would make it more painful. The pain of being so close to him yet not being able to give him my love and affection was too much. What a stupid reason. When I told him I wouldn't tutor him anymore he looked like he would cry. He gave a rushed apology before running out of the classroom, probably going to the bathroom or somewhere more private. Maybe you were in more pain than me at that time. I'm sorry. I was just selfishly doing what _I_ thought was best. I wish I was wiser back then.

We don't talk now. I should've just told him how I felt. I should have told him how in love I was with him. Even if our jewels were different, even if he didn’t love me back, having closure would be better than nothing . . . right? It’s so exhausting. Being in love is one of the best and worst feelings I have ever experienced. It takes all of the energy out of you only to replace it with more and repeating the cycle over and over. It's quite tiring, loving someone.

The person I'm in love with doesn't know I love them. They probably think I hate them. I don't hate you, love. As I think about it, I've never told anyone who I love. I might tell them who I like, but never love. When I told Mingyu, my love wasn't really love; he was simply my crush who I had seen a few times before and thought was cute.

I would feel embarrassed if anyone found out who I love. Not because of the person I love, I could never be bashful for loving someone such as them, but rather because I'm a quite popular person in my school. I say this not to brag, but it’s simply something that is, and it’s something that affects me and those around me. Being popular means that within at most a week everyone will know who I like. Since I'm popular, my love could be mistreated by those jealous of them or there would be rumors spread about us by those same individuals.

I wish I wasn't popular. I wish I didn't draw so much attention. I would always be teased by other boys for being so pretty and handsome, calling me rude names and saying I was just a girl in a boys body. It’s only ‘cause of them I worked so hard to change; I couldn’t change my face, but I could change my mannerisms and body. I became more ‘manly’ as a way to oppose their spiteful comments. And it worked. I became popular for my looks and athleticism, though by now I'm only confident in my looks. After all, my face is the only good quality I possess. That and my Jewel.

The person I love has never shown their Jewel to anyone. There's been talk that their Jewel isn't on their chest so it makes it easier to hide it. It makes me sad not knowing if we're soulmates or not, but also relieved. I may not know if we're soulmates, but I don't know that we _aren't_ soulmates. At least I can have some hope. The thing that upsets me most is that I have no idea what their Jewel could possibly be like. I hate not knowing.

My soulmate has probably seen my Jewel countless times; I usually wear lower cut shirts because I get warm easily. Mine is a dark navy blue with a a soft purple center, the colors blending together seamlessly. My Jewel has a mysterious aura, which I feel reflects the impression people first get from me. I have sharp eyes which make me seem dark and arcane. My face doesn't reflect who I am at all, not in my opinion. I've always been quite lively and energetic, an optimistic and silly person who loves joking around. As we've established, I can often joke too much.

My love is the opposite of me, however. They aren't very talkative and are much more reserved than I, I’d go so far as to say they are just a naturally cool person. Maybe that's what I want in a soulmate. An opposite. Someone to balance me out, someone to complete my yang with their yin. My love would certainly do that. My love is precious. Am I as precious to my love as they are to me? That is my dream. He is my dream. I hope my dream comes true.


	2. i n t r o ; minghao

**Minghao's POV**

My Jewel is weird. When I received it, it was already onyx. An onyx Jewel means you fell out of love or your love isn't reciprocated. When I turned ten, I was anxious to see what color Jewel I would have. I guess I was right to be so nervous. For years and years on end, I wondered what meaning my Jewel's appearance could have. Was I destined to never have a love? Is this what my Jewel means? That I will be alone forever? I don't want that. I want love. Please, someone, give me love.

It wasn't only the appearance of my Jewel that was puzzling, but also the placement. My Jewel was right in between my shoulder blades. My mother said it looked mystical and beautiful. An onyx Jewel automatically has no value but strange placement of a Jewel can drastically reduce its worth even more. Because my placement isn't so bad, it's reduced only by about a hundred dollars. For the longest time, I truly thought I was worthless because of my Jewel. It's what society has trained us to think when we have an abnormal Jewel.

When I started going to the new academy, the one by the name of Pledis Education, I covered it. Because it's in between my shoulder blades most wont find it, but I still take the time to cover it. It's not uncommon to cover your Jewel, though it's not the most popular thing to do either. Some do it for modesty. I do it because I don't want to be made fun of again.

In the middle of my first year at Pledis Education, I saw that my Jewel was turning a different color. It started from the center, turning into a lilac color. It was slow at first, the color growing only a few weeks at a time. Still, this development gave me hope. Was I really going to have a soulmate? It for some reason started to suddenly speed up a lot and I would find the color growing more almost every day.

By the time I was in my second year, it was a completely new Jewel. It was a midnight blue with a lilac center. Around this time, I met my soulmate. I never thought I would have one. I didn't know right away that it was him. I wish I did. He was my tutor. He's a little over a year older than me. He seemed almost scary at first, but now that I know him better I can see how wrong I was. He's silly and mischievous. I like that small quirk about him. It's cute.

He liked teasing me, though. When I got a question wrong or if I mispronounced a word he would say something like, "Wah, how'd you get that wrong? I thought I taught you well! I guess I gotta cram even more information in the small head of yours, huh?" I would sulk after he said these things, but not because I was hurt by his teasing. In fact, I find his teasing cute. It was because I felt bad for him. He had to spend time teaching me, someone who is terrible at schoolwork. If I was better at learning then he wouldn't have to spend so much time teaching the same thing over and over to me.

The first time I saw his Jewel was a month or two after he started tutoring me. He started tutoring me in the late winter, around February or March, so he would often wear sweaters that covered his Jewel. When it became warmer he started wearing shirts with lower collars. The day I saw it he wore a v-neck with a thick cardigan over it, though he took it off at the start of our session, showing his delicious biceps off. I didn't even realize his Jewel was the same as mine for a few minutes of seeing him. I was, embarrassingly, more focused on his aforementioned arms than his Jewel.

I looked forward to our sessions even more after finding this out. As the end of the school year was coming closer and closer, I worked up the courage to tell him I liked him; to show him my Jewel. The day I planned to tell him he came to my classroom in the morning. My excitement quickly melted into confusion. His usually carefree face looked sad. The foreign expression worried me. When he spotted me, he walked over to my chair. The first thing he said was, "I'm sorry." My smile dropped.

"I can't tutor you anymore, for personal reasons. I know someone who can tutor you if you still need it. Sorry again. See ya around." He walked towards the door. Before he could leave, I ran to the restroom, holding my mouth to keep the sobs in for as long as possible. Then I cried. I realized how little I knew about pain. I've been bullied for being stupid; that hurt. I broke my arm when I was six; that was physical. My soulmate, the person I've grown to cherish so much, the person whose smile can turn my day around for the absolute best, the person I can't live without, the person I love just told me he didn't want to spend time with me anymore. That day I learned true pain and agony.

I made sure to keep my grades steady, if not better. I wanted to impress him. I wanted to impress myself, to prove to myself that I'm smart and capable. However, they’re starting to fall again. I’m sorry I can’t be better. We haven't talked since then. Why did you leave me, my prince? I love you. Do you not love me? I can see why. I cry too much, too easily. Please come back. I still love you. Wen Junhui, I love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As briefly explained, Onyx Jewels are basically when you don’t have a soulmate (unrequited love, dead, etc). It is also possible to just not have a Jewel, though the chances are very low and none of the boys are missing a Jewel.
> 
> That said, minghao is v cute in this story and I love him yeah ^^


	3. o n e; expensive shirts and new beginnings of old relationships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They rekindle yay :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is probably the cutest chapter which is not saying a lot the rest is just really angsty Im sorry in advance ><
> 
> Jun’s POV

There he is. He's eating with Seungkwan and other random people who suddenly became insignificant. There he is, surrounded by people who aren’t me. I always find myself looking for him. I look for those plump lips, those mischievous eyes, his tall and lanky frame. They're addicting to look at. And that's all I get to do; look.

"Look." I avert my eyes, but I don't want to. "See? This is the shirt I want for dance, but everyone else thinks it's tacky and too expensive. What do you think?" Chan is leaning over the table, his short torso barely giving him the length needed to shove his phone in my face. I love Chan, I do, but the little prepubescent three year old is interrupting my watch time. I sigh to myself as I say it in my head.  _ I sound like a fucking stalker. _ Maybe I am.

I look up again at Chan and tell him, "Who cares what other people think? If you like it and you know you'll use it for a while then buy it. Plus, I think it’ll look good on you.” He beams at me, saying something like hell buy it after school, and I can’t help but feel guilty. I'm a hypocrite, telling him not to care about what other people think. _I_ was always the one who cared to much. That's why we don't talk anymore.

I go back to looking at him, but he still isn't there. I sulk for a second and will myself to look up at Chan, who is currently trying to show Seungcheol and getting scolded miserably. "Y'know, that shirt is super expensive. How are you gonna pay for it?"

I still don’t understand their weird dynamic; is it best friends like they say, some strange father-son thing, or, what everyone thinks, the dumb-idiots-in-love relationship. I smirk and chime in, "Maybe you'll ask your sugar daddy?"

He blushes brightly, rambling on about how that's not the case and how he doesn't even know where to get one, using any and every excuse that comes to his head. Even though I was the one who said it, it feels like he’s explaining less to me and more to his crush in front of him. I can’t help but laugh at his panic, he’s just so fun to tease. Half the table looks over at us, even some other people passing by. I look up and make eye contact with _him_ and suddenly I feel the need to be silent. I feel shameful. How could I be so happy and carefree when I know how much I hurt him? I sober up and look down.

"Jun, that was mean!" I hear Seungcheol scold me, though I see him suppressing a smile. "But he makes a good point Chan. The shirt is pretty expensive . . . are you sure you have enough money for it?" He's always concerned about Chan. It’s so obvious they like each other to everyone but themselves. I’m not even sure if Seungcheol knows about his own feelings, but any bystander can see it clearly. I smile again just from the looks they have in their eyes.  _They got it bad_.

They continue talking about it (I think Seungcheol is trying to make Chan look for job applications) and I start talking to Mingyu. "Hey," he says suddenly. "I've been meaning to ask if you could tutor Minghao again. His grades have been slipping and he seems more tired lately, probably from late night studying." I stare stunned at him.

I wait before saying, "Gyu, you know why I stopped. He . . . it was too much, and I don't know if I can do it again.” I pause solemnly. “I don't even know if he'll  _want_ to do that again." I try to think of more excuses, more reasons as to why I can never talk to him ever again. But I want to. I want to hear his voice, his laughter, his complaints, his sighs when he answers wrong, he gasps of excitement when it’s right. I want to so, so badly that it almost hurts.

"He needs it Jun! He's had tutors before, but you've been the best so far! I know you know how his grades were when you first started. He had almost all C's but when you finished he had almost all perfect A's! Please, man, he needs this." His tone changes as he leans in to talk in a more hushed voice, he’s face completely serious. “Look, don’t tell him I told you, but he’s been really depressed lately, and I’m not sure if it’s you or the grades or what, but I think you could help. You didn’t just stop being his tutor, man, you stopped being his friend, and that really hurt him. Giving it another go is the least you could do, yeah?”

Damn. I never knew it was like that, I mean, yeah we’d gotten close, but for him to feel such an attachment . . . and I just ended it out of fear. Knowing all of that, how can I say no? I nod my head and he hugs me tightly, thanking me far too much. I look over Mingyu’s shoulder to him and I see he's looking back. I smile. He smiles too.  _Maybe this won't be so terrible after all_.

  
———

"Hey Minghao! Mingyu told me you needed help with math again, so here I am! Jeez, and here I thought I taught you well enough for you to keep those A's!" I stare in the mirror and it sucks seeing how cheesy I look. I sigh and rub the back of my neck knowing that that approach, along with the other ten, was shit. I've been practicing what I'd say to him for forever and I just . . . don't know. We haven't talked in so long. It feels foreign now, almost impossible. Almost.

It dawns on me that I have his number and a huge wave of relief washes over me as I realize I don't have to say this in person. I unlock my phone and search for his name, hoping I didn't delete it accidentally or on one of my many sad nights after saying goodbye. Just when I think it's not there I see it. Those beautiful Chinese characters that spell out my nickname for him, “Hao”. I click on it and type out my message. I reread it three times before sending it.

** Me **

hey it's jun. mingyu told me that you needed a tutor again?

im happy to help if you want!^^

Delivered

I wait for what feels like hours even though I know it was only a few minutes before getting a reply.

**Hao♡ _( let’s pretend it’s in Chinese kanji)_**

Oh um hey...

He told you that? When?

Read 15:27

I smile. He still writes like he used to, the same as how he talks, even with the “um’s”.

** Me **

at lunch today

he said your grades were slipping and asked me to help you out

Read 15:29

** Hao♡ **

Oh... well yeah my grades could be better... but you don't have to if you don't want to!

Read 15:30

I type out, "of course i want to!" but quickly delete it, deciding it’s too eager.  _ Gotta keep up my cool guy act, right? _ Admitting it in my head still makes it embarrassing.

** Me **

why would i not want to?

Read 15:38

** Hao♡ **

I don't know.

Why did you quit last time?

Read 15:40

There it is. That strike of pain that feels like my heart is being ripped in half. That gut wrenching feeling that only he can cause. Those small tears I didn't know would come up from seeing seven words. I told myself I had to stop tutoring him because I was feelings things for him I shouldn't be feeling and that if I got any closer I'd hurt him and drive him away. It's what always happens.

But I know that's not the only reason. I was scared. I was scared of him being disgusted. I was scared that our relationship would never be the same had he rejected me, which I was sure would be the outcome. I was scared that he'd say something like, "I've actually already found my soulmate . . . sorry." I was scared, I was so terrified. And I still am.

** Me **

that was.. for personal reasons.

it had nothing to do with you, it was just something i was dealing with...

im sorry.

Read 15:46

** Hao♡ **

It's... it's okay. I understand.

Do you still wanna tutor me? Even though you have "personal problems"?

Read 15:46

** Me **

yeah of course! ive gotten over that stuff so it's all good!!

I cringe at the obvious lie, hoping he doesn’t notice how completely fabricated it is. Of course I’m not over it, did you see me at lunch?

** Me **

when should we start?

im free right now if you wanna come over?

Read 15:48

** Hao♡ **

Right now?? Uhh, sure actually, if you don't mind.

Do you want me to bring anything specific? Like a certain subject?

Read 15:49

** Me **

yeah bring whatever you need the most help with :)

Read 15:52

** Hao♡ **

Okay, on my way!

Read 15:52

I didn't realize it, but those tears pricking my eyes had dried and my smile had grown. The affect he has on me, I swear.  _Shit, I should clean shouldn’t I?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not feeling too good about this chapter lol it’s a bit short but I hope you all liked it!! I’ve written a lot of chapters for this particular ship and ... very angsty BUT IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER ><
> 
> As always thabk you for reading and supporting it helps so much, constructive criticism is always appreciated ^^


	4. t w o ; you know your soulmate?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junhao study session

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter of some kinda fluff kinda tense junhao while they study
> 
> Minghao’s POV

I hate Mingyu. That asshole can't keep his fanged mouth shut for two seconds. I can't believe he told Junhui about my grades. I kept them consistent after he stopped tutoring me, keeping my A’s all on my own. Just because they started to fall apart recently he felt the need to bring it up with him? Bullshit.

I guess I can't hate Mingyu; maybe I should be thankful that he was the one to tell Junhui. I know I never could. He’s the only one who knows about my feelings for him and I guess he wanted to play cupid. In all honesty I don't think  I'm the one (at least, not the _only_ one) who needs his matchmaking skills, but that's beside the point. He knows I like him, enough to threaten him with ugly photos of himself were he to ever tell anyone, and he knows that my grades are slipping, so . . . two birds, one stone.

Sure, I wish the stone wasn’t pimping me out to my upperclassman, but it’s going surprisingly well (not that I would  ever let him know). Still, maybe he deserves a little credit. Just thinking about the earlier events of today brings a warmth to my cheeks that I can’t find myself hating. Junhui texted me to come over so we could study tonight. Honestly, the most shocking part of that was the fact that he still had my number. I came so close so many times to just deleting it, anger and a hurt I’d never felt before rising within me. But he did. He still had it, and, better yet, he used it to text me. And dear lord, I never knew how many clothes I had until the were all spewed across my floor in a huge heaping mess. I regret not following Marie Kondo’s advice. After an unmentionable amount of time, I find something cool enough but still comfortable and laidback. Looking at the clock in my room, I decide to go with it since I'll be really late if I don't.  When did an hour go by?  No, I’d probably never wear this hoodie and just a pair of black ‘sweats, but I’m not going to school, I’m going to his dorm, something casual.  _ His dorm. Casual. God, when did I get so soft?  _ As I quickly find my way there I think,  _ it's been so long . . . I'm excited. _

I knock on his door and wait for him to open it. I only wait for at most a minute when Junhui opens the door, a smile plastered on his face. He's always had such a cute smile. He looks nice; his hair is damp and a little messy, his long legs wrapped in gray sweatpants, a large cable-knit cardigan that somehow reach the knuckles of his long arms, and . . . a loose shirt that shows off his Jewel and chest when he bends over.

Guilt rushes through me. The milliseconds feel like years, aging me and weathering my brain in phantom exhaustion.  _ Why, of all things, did he have to wear that? _ I can’t stop myself from glancing, and even though we have the same Jewel, his feels somehow so much more beautiful, so much more alive. I feel a pain in my chest.

"Come in! I tried to clean last minute, so sorry if it doesn't look that great," he says as his smile turns sheepish. I brush offmy internal turmoil and smile back. Has smiling always been this hard?

"It's fine," I reply while stepping inside after slipping my shoes off. His dorm is simple, not flashy but still expensive looking with the monochromatic theme across the room.  _ I never thought he'd be a minimalist _ _,_ I think as I sit down on the stark white couch in his beautiful living room. "Did you decorate yourself?" I ask. I don't mean to sound rude when I say this, but I never really thought he'd be good at interior design. "No offense, but you don't seem very good at decorating," I think aloud, looking around at the few plants he owns that I think may be real.

"Oh, definitely not!" he quickly says. "My mom bought all this stuff and then told me what to do with it. Jeonghan tried helping, too. He's the one who got the pretty lights. I could never be so good at this kind of thing.”

His awkward chuckle is the last sound in the room before silence fills the space between us. I hate this. When did things become so fragile between us? Why can’t we go back to when we could joke and laugh and talk together like friends? He shuffles closer and closer to thecouch’s other end, teetering on the unspoken barrier we’ve let build up between us.  _ Coming here feels like a mistake_ _,_ I think solemnly and immediately push it to the back, refusing to acknowledge it. I break it, exhausted by the quiet air settling over us, "So what should we start with?"

"Whatever you want. This is your personal study time, right? Do whatever you need to do and I’ll help where I can!" He flashes his cute smile at me, finally planting himself as far as he can from me, leaning against the armrest. Trying not to feel hurt by a probably unintentional gesture, I nod and take out my math textbook.

"I'm really behind in math, so I'd like to start there . . . please." I've never been good at math. The numbers merge together in my head and all the rules are hard to keep track of after piling and piling on top of each other. Everyone should know basics, yes, but I find the rest pretty fucking useless. When will I ever need to know how to graph cosine in real life? If I get the career I want I won't have to, yet here I am, still slaving away on my homework. All I need to know are the most basics and even then, why learn math when we literally invented calculators?

I take the unit packet out of my bag along with my pencil case and ridiculously expensive calculator. "Oh, I love this stuff! I'm super good at math, especially trig, so you don't have to worry," Junhui says excitedly, somehow catching what the unit was from his far away seat. He's always been so cute. "Basically you just have to . . . ,” he begins teaching, but I stop paying attention to him when he finally comes closer, dipping over and showing off his Jewel. His Jewel that is dark as midnight, mysterious and cool. His Jewel that has a soft purple center, a reflection of the warm and carefree person I’ve come to know and love. His Jewel that, by some miracle, happens to be the same as mine.

He waves his hand in front of my face before saying, "Hey, my eyes are up here, asshole." He's smiling cheekily, but his joke doesn’t feel very funny with my heart jackhammering in my rib cage, my nerves on edge with every subtle shift in his movements.

I laugh a little. "Sorry, it's just . . . your Jewel was, uh, out," I explain, looking down once more before turning away. I can feel how hot my face is without touching it, and I just know I’m sporting a warm rouge on my cheeks and ears.  _ How embarrassing. _

"Oh! Sorry, does that kind of thing make you uncomfortable?” He pulls his shirt up higher, though its looseness doesn’t allow it to cover him for long. “My bad, I'll wear higher collared shirts when you come over."

"No, it's fine, it's your dorm room." It feels awkward between us now, and the earlier silence makes its return.  _God, just say something, anything!_ "Y-your Jewel is really pretty," I say, hoping to lighten the heavy silence. As the words stumble out of my mouth, I cringe, hating the way I stutter. Maybe staying quiet would’ve been better.

Somehow, the topic doesn’t seem unwanted by him as a soft smile finds his lips, a dreamy look filling his eyes. "Thanks. Yeah, I'm pretty proud of it. I hope my soulmate is proud of theirs, too," he says while absentmindedly touching his Jewel. He seems to already love his soulmate so much without even knowing them. I mean, I love my soulmate too, but I already know it's him. He probably has someone he wants it to be. As much as I want it to be me, I’m not hopeful. Still, just watching his gestures makes me feel a heavy weight in my stomach.

The only way I can really describe it is like playing a card game. It's like when you look at someone's cards during a game and you already know you're gonna win. Cheating like that never feels good, but knowing that you'll win in the end is always nice. But what happens when the person knows you’ve cheated? Wouldn’t they be upset and quit the game instead of taking the unfair loss? Is this considered cheating? It feels unfair for me to know and him to wonder; to hope.

"You must . . . really love your soulmate too, huh?" Thinking of him loving his soulmate fills me with joy, knowing that he’s unintentionally thinking of me. There’s also dread in seeing how much he truly cares for them; there’s no way he’s not thinking of someone. I wonder who captured his heart. Maybe if I hadn’t waited so long these past few months our relationship would’ve been different.

"Yeah . . . I think a soulmate is someone you just inherently love, like a mom or a dad." He pauses, the hand atop his Jewel suddenly slowing its strokes as he stares deep in thought. "But I also think that just like with moms and dads you can stop loving them. Maybe they did something shitty, maybe they didn't do anything at all and that was the problem. Whatever it may be, I think you can absolutely fall out of love with anyone, and your soulmate is no exception."

Fear courses through me. He loves me, not knowing I'm his soulmate, but if he finds out it's me he might hate me? That's . . . so fucking terrifying.

"Do you . . . do you know who your soulmate is?" I ask, praying he can’t magically sense my all consuming anxiety. He'll say no, but maybe,  _maybe_ _,_ he'll surprise me. But do I want that?

"No." _I knew it._ "I know they're kind and beautiful and amazing, though. What about you? Do you know?"

I hesitate before answering. What point is there in lying? "Yeah."

"Whoa, really?! That's so cool! So, who is it?" He leans over excitedly, raising his eyebrows in playful suggestion. I wonder if he’d really be happy with the answer.

"Like I'd ever tell you!" My hands feel clammy and my voice cracks with nervousness.  _ God, why’d I even bring up his Jewel?_

"Yeah, you're right. Okay, let's get back to work." I can't focus at all, though. Not with him bending over, his Jewel still on display, not with our conversation playing over and over in my head, not with his face inches away from mine as he explains a formula I’d never remember in the first place. I feel like I’m suffocating.

"Come on, Hao! Just a little more and you'll be done!" Junhui encourages me. I shake my head, exhausted from working. "Hmm, how about we eat something? You're pretty skinny anyway, so eating will help with your energy. Ah, not saying your weight is bad, just, you know, taking it into consideration!"

_He’s such a good guy. _ "Yeah, thanks. What are we eating?" He stands with a smile and walks to the small area he uses for eating, grabbing a small stack of restaurant menus. He lets me pick and while waiting for it to arrive we watch a show he said he’s been into lately.I look over to him, a loud laugh coming from his mouth before stuffing his face with the ordered pizza.  _Is this what it would be like to date him_ _,_ I fantasize. _He has such a pretty profile._ We finish eating and study more afterwards despite my protests.

By the time I decide to go home it's almost dark. I know it’s stupid and embarrassing, but I’m scared shitless of the dark. It started when I was a kid, so obviously it didn’t seem like a big deal, but the anxiety that I felt not knowing my surroundings never left. At least right now I have more reason to be scared; though it’s not nearly as common with male students, some of the girls talk about being watched. Some even say they have “fans” call out to them. I know what to do if someone attacks me, but it's still scary to walk alone at this time.

"Want me to walk you home?" I hear Junhui ask as I'm about to leave.  _Am I that easy to read? Maybe he’s just really perspective._ I ponder his request for a moment before nodding. Me being flustered by him walking me home is mountains better than being terrified for the next five to ten minutes.

"My dorm is on the other side of the school campus, so it'll take a bit to get there," I tell him when we start walking.

"It's fine," he reassures me, "I don't mind a long walk." True to his word, it really seems like he doesn’t. He makes jokes here and there as we walk to my dorm, keeping everything lighthearted. I laugh at each one. When we arrive he tells me, "Text me when you wanna hang out again."

"Hang out? You mean study?" His eyes widen a bit and he blushes.  _Shit, wrong move?_

He nods, "Yeah, sorry. I, uh, I guess it felt more like hanging out than studying." I feel a smile stretching across my face. I nod and head inside after saying goodbye. “Hey, Hao?” he stops me before the door fully closes.

“Yeah?”

“ . . . I’m really proud of you for working hard today.” I’m so glad I haven’t turned on the lights yet because there’s no way he’d miss the red quickly spreading across my face. “Well, uh, sorry for keeping you for so long!” he chuckles. He looks up one more time and catches my eyes, holding them with his strong gaze. “Good night.”

As soon as the door closes, I sink to the floor, my knees growing weak.  _He said it was more like hanging out . . . that's a good thing, right? And he fucking complimented me! That’s probably not a big deal, but he was so cute about it! Oh my god, oh my god, I shouldn't feel so freaking happy._ I feel my ears burn along with my cheeks, a familiar sensation I get with him. My palms are all sweaty and my stomach feels light as a feather yet like it's filled with stones at the same time. My heart feels like it'll beat out of my chest just from thinking about him. I feel amazing.

I feel my phone buzz in the pocket, startling me from my dreamy state. I fish it from its frantic barrier and see a text notification appear on the screen.   
  


** [Junhui] **

we should have a schedule for when we meet

maybe every other day? if it works for you ofc :)

Read 17:34

** [Me] **

Yeah.. that's okay with me

Are we gonna meet at your dorm every time? Cause I don't mind you coming to mine...

Read 17:35

The butterflies in the pit of my stomach seem to flutter uncontrollably as I send the text. I get a reply in a few seconds.

** [Junhui] **

sure.. i'd really like that ^^

Read 17:35

_God, thank you so much for giving me such an amazing soulmate._ And it suddenly hits me like a boulder, sudden and crushing.  _Soulmate . . . How am I gonna tell him?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh hello again!! I hope this brought enough tension and more insight into Hao’s thinking process. Basically he really loves Jun, but is so scared he’ll be disappointed that Hao is his soulmate that he’d rather keep it a secret until something happens naturally. I know, super agonizing stuff, but angst makes for good stories lol
> 
> Btw ! I’ve been kinda upset with how short the chapters have been (already four updates and not even 10k words), so I was thinking of combining them? I’d have half of the chapter be from Jun’s POV then it would switch to Hao’s approximately halfway through. That way there’ll be more for you guys to read and more for me to write. This might make updates take even longer, but if this seems like a good idea pls give feedback!!! And if you don’t care either way that’s totally okay too!
> 
> Tysm for reading and supporting, your kudos, comments, and hits motivate me so much ty ty ty >< !!!

**Author's Note:**

> It’s been forever since I’ve posted ahh I’m so sorry!!>< School is surprisingly busy for me and with the honors classes I’m taking, there’s a lot of work I have to get done every week, so I’ve decided that I’ll try posting a new chapter for at least one of my works once a month to not put too much pressure on myself while still easing myself back into updating. Thank you for your patience!!<3
> 
> For now, I’m going to post the remaining introductions for the My Jewel series (soonhoon, meanie, and verkwan) since I’ve been gone for SO long. These work is also on Wattpad, however I will be deleting my account there shortly and will be moving primarily to ao3 instead.
> 
> I don’t think I’ve mentioned my updating schedule for this series, but I plan on doing one chapter per ship before going back and updating a single work twice. What I mean is that I will update chancheol, jihan, junhao, soonhoon, meanie, and verkwan all in that order once and when I’ve done that I will then repeat this cycle until all of the works are complete. Please note that some works may have more chapters than others, it just depends on the flow of the story.
> 
> Comments and constructive criticism is always appreciated!! <3


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